I'm sure you've heard it before from someone, "I"m my own worst critic." Well, I think I have taken that to a new level. Not only am I my own worst critic, I am my own full-blown censorship panel.
I don't allow anything to go through on my FB wall, my email, or here on my blog, until I have re-read it, trying to keep in mind what others will think, say, feel, or do when they read it. I'm not writing for myself at all. I start out writing what I want, saying what I want, about what I want, and it's great. Then I'll edit, cut, trim, rewrite, edit again, reword, and by the time I'm done with it, it's not even CLOSE to what I originally wanted to create.
Well, I'm done.
I'm tired of all the extra time and effort I have to put into my writing in an attempt to make it please everyone else, to not offend anyone, or hurt anyone's feelings. The way I see it, this can go two ways:
1. People will read what I write, respect me for expressing myself, maybe even like my words and what I create. They will post nice messages offering encouragment and support. They will enjoy reading my work and will come back to do so whenever they can or I ask them to.
OR
2. People will hate what I write, get offended, think my writing sucks, think I'm a bitch for writing it, or call me other names that I'm sure I've heard before. They will tell "so and so" not to read me because I'm not a good writer and they will post mean comments.
Either way, I win! I get great people reading my work and/or I get to write what I want - finally.
Oh, and if you don't like what I have to say, share, offer, etc., feel free not to come back.
The way I see it, honest writing is the best kind, even if people disagree. At least it's your truth, you know?
ReplyDeleteHowever, that also makes it so hard. I keep a blog (though the last year or more I've been kind of sporadic about updating it) and use it for my thoughts and rants and daily life, but the posts where I write the tough, gritty, personal stuff? Those are the scariest.
Then I eventually go, "Fuck it," and write it, and feel better afterward.
Loving your attitude and hoping to one day get to that point again. Open, honest, and truthfuly posts ARE the scariest - sometimes for both the writer and the reader. Things need to be said, and will be, one way or another. It can come out in a blog post and be therapeutic and helpful, or it can come out when someone pisses me off, in mean things I really don't mean or want to say.
ReplyDeleteI like the blogging idea better - no matter how scary.